so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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