my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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