Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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