actually, I'm a sock model
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
