My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
