Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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