Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
