I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think your dad took our porno
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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