I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
