i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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