Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
