I think I am morally bankrupt
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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