I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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