I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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