eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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