Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
