umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
