I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
