dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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