Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
