turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
