Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
