So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
