What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
