Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
