so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
