Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
