Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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