so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
