I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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