Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
