help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
