It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
