We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
