When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
