I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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