It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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