i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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