it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
