Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
