those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
