remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
