is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
