last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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