Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
