just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
