So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
