ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
