I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
