dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He passed out mid-signature
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Randomize
