Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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