Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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