took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
